About two years ago God started talking to me about starting a bible study with three of my neighbors. None of these ladies showed even the slightest interest in faith in our conversations, but He was extending the invitation just the same. I had no problem approaching the first two. The third lady, who I will refer to as Linda, was a bit intimidating. We had only one thing in common, we both loved to garden, but our differences were vast. I had been married over twenty-five years. She was on her fourth relationship with children from three different husbands. I was a suburban soccer mom and she was a country girl who could plow the back forty and still party with the boys all night long. Just saying, I was not the kind of person she would normally hang out with. In fact, I heard from a mutual friend she called me a “Bible Thumper” behind my back. Needless to say, I was not very confident the outcome would be positive.
After some time, I finally got up the courage to invite her to the study and she accepted. In the first few weeks she attended we were actually becoming friends. She was participating and I think she really liked it. Unfortunately, in the middle of the fourth week her boyfriend called and really laid into her. Apparently, she was responsible for making dinner every night when she came home from work. (Despite the fact that he was unemployed and she was working two jobs to make ends meet.) Dinner was late and he was angry. She ended the call, quietly made her excuses and left, never to come back again. Over the next several weeks I tried to keep the door open by inviting her back to the study, asking her to join me on a walk and even to come over for coffee. The last time I stopped by her house her boyfriend was very rude, he clearly did not want her to have anything to do with faith and as she shut the door I could hear him harassing her. With every invitation Linda chose the security of a relationship with her boyfriend. After much rejection I gave up pursuing her.
A few months later, I woke up at 2 o’clock in the morning. I stood straight up next to my bed and as I looked around the room trying to comprehend what was going on, I could not for the life of me understand why I was awake. I am sorry to say I did not even ask as I crawled back into my bed and closed my eyes. The next morning I heard from a friend that Linda had tried to commit suicide around 2am.
Linda’s boyfriend left her. She had finally hit bottom, lost all hope and in her time of desperation I was sleeping away in my warm bed. I count this as one of the biggest failures in my spiritual life. It took me quite some time to reconcile this situation. You don’t know how many times I wished I had asked “Lord, why did you wake me up?” How many times it ran through my mind, could I have gotten up, walked down the street and helped her? Yes, she had to do her part and choose to walk towards her Father. However, I often questioned if my walking away telegraphed it was a limited time opportunity?
This begs the question, when is it time to walk away? I have come to realize my failure was in not asking this very question. I know some would never even consider it. After all how can we think of walking away when God never gave up on us?
So what did I learn? First, I will never again hesitate to approach someone based on his or her outward actions. Our hearts had much in common and if given the time Linda would have seen God’s desire to heal what He so graciously healed in me. Secondly, God clearly invited me to be a part of what He was doing in Linda’s life for a season. The timing should have been left completely in His hands. Lastly, if you clearly hear you are to walk away from someone do not carry guilt. God will not harm you to help another. He may use you for a season, but if it becomes an emotional detriment or complete sidetrack from our purpose it is time to ask for direction. Doing “good” to this extreme is the enemy’s plan not His. God will not give up on those He loves. His next step just may not include you. Ask!
