Say Cheese

When my daughter Jamie turned sixteen she wanted to have a party. So, she went about making invitations and planning an evening with movies, pizza and friends. Unbeknownst to her, as she handed out invitations, we were calling each person on the list and secretly moving the party to one weekend earlier. On this evening, she came home and went downstairs to find twenty-five of her friends screaming “Happy Birthday”. The look of utter surprise on her face is something I will never forget.

Instead of a movie night, I had planned a scavenger hunt with a bit of a twist. We divided the kids into four groups making sure each one was balanced. They had at least one “life of the party” who was daring, one who was quiet and needed encouragement, one who was not shy and would approach strangers and the rest a good balance of friends so they felt comfortable in their group. The mix was vital because as I said, this was not an ordinary scavenger hunt it was more about “doing things” than “collecting things”. For example; Eat a small order of fries without using your hands, Take a picture of your entire group in a port-a-potty, Sing “I’m a little teapot” in a coffee shop, Pump gas or load groceries for a stranger or Return to the party wearing someone else’s shoes. Every item on the list was worth points and the team with the most points would win. Each car taking the kids around town had an adult driver who would not only videotape and take pictures, but also make sure the kids were safe as they ventured out.

The Scavenger hunt has become a tradition in our family and we have done it each time one of the girls has turned sixteen. It has been most interesting to find that no matter who was invited, if the teammates were mixed properly it was a success. The life of the party was never afraid to try anything and often encouraged others to step out and do things they normally wouldn’t. The quiet ones were the strategists and put order to the game ensuring the most points in the allotted time period. While the friends made everything more relaxed and easy going, the servants made points by helping people.

Which teammate are you? Are you an encourager who pulls others along side, a risk taker who isn’t afraid to do things and go places others would not, a servant who enjoys giving, a strategist who can organize, a mentor who uses their life experiences to help others (because you know what it’s like to walk in their shoes), or a friend who is there through thick and thin? Whichever you are, we need you in the mix.

Each party ended by watching videos, viewing pictures and swapping stories. It was so fun to see what they actually accomplished. They did things, not of their own choosing and without question, simply because they were asked to: new things, fun things, embarrassing things, intimidating things, things that simply needed to be done by someone. Sounding familiar? One final thought, I love surprises as much as the next gal, but I don’t want to be surprised in the end. I hope that when my party is over and it’s time to review the “video’s and pictures” they reflect a life of “doing” and not collecting. Hey, Smile and Say Cheese…your on my team!

Warning...Flying Stuffed Animals

Every morning I have the pleasure of helping Jessica get ready for school. In the beginning of the year, I had to guess whether or not to put on full riot gear in fear of being pummeled by stuffed animals or I could walk into the room without concern. I have since learned that her attitude depends on what activities are planned for the day. On the days she has Art and P.E. she is bouncing around with a smile on her face. On the days she has a math test she is stomping around citing the many reasons why school is “dumb”; “it’s boring, I can’t memorize times tables or I don’t feel like dealing with “so and so” today she is mean.” The whirlwind usually ends with, “I would just like to skip the third grade.”

I know exactly how she feels. I was never fond of math either. Personally, I still like Art and P.E. well you know what I mean anything creative is fun to learn. Taking “tests” however is another matter altogether.

A few years ago I went through a very tough personal situation. Trust me when I say that I wanted to throw a great number of stuffed animals at the wall, it would have hurt a lot less than hitting my head against it. I was talking with a friend about my situation when he told me something that I will never forget. He said “God is not testing you so you will fail, He is testing you so you will succeed.” This truly changed my perspective. Could this situation have been planned all along so that I would learn something? It’s more likely that I made a few bad decisions and as is God’s character, He would use my bad situation for good.

The test was how would I handle it? Would I continue to hit my head against the wall, blame myself or others (a destructive path which did not solve the problem and made me feel like a shrew), ignore it and hope it magically went away or walk the other direction toward a lasting solution.

Before I could answer that question there was one thing to resolve. This was not the first time I had been in this situation. Perhaps my lack of learning the lesson the first time had used up all my “grace tokens”. Did I hit my limit of patience for this particular subject? Would I face an “I told you so” or “Are we really here again Bonnie?” This is what I learned. His heart is not that of condemnation, but grace to restore.

We have things to learn, tests to go through. No matter what we are facing He has a solution. Not necessarily one without consequences, but because of His incredible compassion toward those He loves, you will not walk them out alone. He wants you to not only pass the test, He wants you to bounce out of bed every morning knowing that with His help you are going to ace it.

P.S. No actual stuffed animals were harmed during the time of this story.

...I need a friend

When I was six years old I left a neighborhood full of friends to move with my family from Chicago to Kansas City. I had two older brothers as companions, but they were into sports and GI Joe’s not playing Barbie's with a little sister. They shared a room and as I would hear them laughing and playing I honestly felt alone. One morning I decided I would find some friends. I began at the top of the street and worked my way down knocking on every single door asking the same question “do you have someone I can play with...I need a friend?”

As we get closer to Valentines Day, I can’t help but notice the comments of many who are feeling alone this year. I’m not just talking about being in a committed relationship. We can feel alone at work, alone at school, alone in a room full of relatives or friends. It’s not about who is standing next to us or is it?

The reality is, that even with the best of intentions people will eventually let us down. Parents do not always unconditionally love their children, friends are not always there to support us or walk out the tough times, and our spouse cannot possibly be everything we need. So where does that leave us? Actually, in a really good place. When we finally stop putting our expectations on others to fill that empty spot we are left with only one option and it’s the best one.

There is one who knows exactly how you feel because He listens to you. He watches you from the time you wake up in the morning until you lay your head back on the pillow at night. There is one who will go with you to work, school, family functions, and all the while; unconditionally love you, support you and walk out the tough times.

You are not lost, you are not alone and you are worth loving. Open the door to the best friend you will ever have.

The Rut

I

I had a dream I walked into a building.  In the center of the building was a large circular sanctuary.  It had dark wood walls with windows from waist to ceiling and two main doors in the front, which served as the entrance.  Inside I could see a group of people, dressed in white robes, facing inward singing and worshiping. 

To my surprise a little man dressed in a dusty, torn suit came out from behind the sanctuary.   He was a bit slumped over as he walked, head down, past the entrance doors and around the next corner.  How different he looked compared to the others inside. The little man returned to circle again and again until he had begun to form deep ruts in the ground. 

A man in the back of the sanctuary happened to catch a movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to see the little man walking by.  He went to stand right inside the entrance and as the little man approached he opened the door, pulled him up out of the rut and set him inside the entryway.  I could see the questions on the little man’s face as he lifted his head all the way up the clean white robe into the warm smiling eyes of the one who lifted him up.  The man motioned for him to come join the others, but the little man quickly shook his head as he grasped the front of his dusty, torn suit.  Defeated, the little man turned towards the door with all the intentions of jumping back into his rut.  But as he began to leave he felt something being wrapped around his shoulders.  He was filled with amazement as he looked at the clean white robe draped about his small frame.  The little man looked back and saw that when the man had taken off his robe, underneath he too was clothed in a dusty, torn suit.  What hadn’t changed however were the warm smiling eyes he looked up into. 

My sisters, someone once pulled you up out of your rut and set your feet inside the entryway.  It is my hope that we never get so engrossed in our own lives that we stop noticing the little ones around us.  For underneath, we are all the same.

FEAR

About two months ago I got sick. I had strep throat, which in itself is not that unusual, but I had the added complication of a sinus infection and a lump in my throat. I went to the doctor and while there she discovered that my thyroid was enlarged and sent me for a sonogram. The sonogram was scheduled two days before my knee surgery. Yes, I seem to be falling apart in record time. I wanted to know what would cause a thyroid to enlarge so I got on the Internet. Big, BIG Mistake! By the time I read all the diagnoses of an enlarged thyroid I had myself buried in a pine box in the back yard.

When I went to the sonogram, the technician of course could not answer any of my questions, but I did notice during the procedure she would frequently stop to measure and mark nodules. I knew enough from my “internet research” to recognize cancerous nodules and every chance I got I was straining to see the screen to see if I needed to start writing goodbye letters to my kids.

Throughout this time period I had been praying, asking for peace, for healing and to stop focusing on the fact that I could not swallow very well. God clearly told me I was going to be ok. In spite of that, I kept looking on the Internet for answers and worrying.

The day after my knee surgery a nurse from my doctor’s office called to give me the results of my sonogram. She read the notes from the radiologist and said there was nothing significant and all nodules were cancer free. When I hung up the phone I literally cried. I had spent an enormous amount of energy in fear when I had been told all along that I would be OK. I was in the middle of thanking God when I asked “Am I really that stubborn?” and He replied “Yes”.

Fear is such a powerful emotion. I ran the gamut of reactions to my fear. I could not sleep, I had anxiety, I was scared, I thought about all the things I had not done with my life that I wanted to, I imagined my kids growing older and having families and I would not be there to see them and I thought about saying goodbye to my husband of 26 years. I not only lost hope, but I did it alone.

Fear had caused me to focus on the bad in my situation. What was even worse was I keep it inside. After the first two times of talking to my husband I felt like I was failing in my faith. I had completely ignored and even chose not to believe God when He told me I would be ok. Isolation compounds fear.

After the first round of antibiotics the strep was gone. It took two more rounds to clear up my sinus infection, but the lump in my throat remains. I have to confess this is the most irritating thing. I am currently taking Zantac for reflux and it should clear up in 3 to 6 months. It is however a constant reminder of what I just went through and God’s promise that I will be ok. I have to return in June for another sonogram for my thyroid. I don’t honestly know what is going to happen in the future, but I do know that God keeps his promises and even if I have to go through some medical issues I will not go it alone, “I will be OK” and fear no longer rules the day!

Butt Prints

So, I bought a 3” memory foam topper for my bed. It was a big hit with the girls, especially my youngest Jessica. She disappeared in my room for a long time after announcing she was going to make “butt prints” on my bed. The first thing I thought of was rolling out of bed that morning hoping my “butt print” would fill in before anyone could see the impact I had made.

I remember the days when I would put my name on everything, preferably with a pink watermelon scented marker. I was not shy about showing off my artwork, singing a new song I wrote or walking up to a complete stranger and introducing myself. When did it change? Why did it change?

So many elements in our lives teach us to conform, but that was not the original plan. Don’t let people or circumstances put you in a box. You were uniquely made for a purpose. There is only one of you by design.

If you don’t know what your gifting is ask someone who loves you. You will be amazed to find that you are already impacting people by just being you. So take that gifting and multiply your impact by being purposeful with what you do. Ladies, this is the one instance where the bigger the “butt print” the better.